Babe, you look so cool

Have you ever had to make a decision you know wasn't going to be easy, the time was never going to be right, but you needed to do it anyways? I'm in love with my best friend. It has taken me awhile to come to terms with this, but I have always known, I just refuse to accept it. It's not that he's a bad guy,  he's wonderful, he's so imperfect he's perfect. I love everything about him. It's the fact that I can't imagine losing him. I love talking to him everyday, I love getting drunk and feeling his arm around me, leaning into his smokey, cologney embrace. I'm scared to love again. I'm scared that he won't feel the same way, that he won't be ready, or more importantly that I won't be ready. I never planned for it to happen, it just sort of happened. I love that he trusts me enough to let me see those deep, dark corners of himself, I love imperfect things. It's the little things, the way he slightly purses his lips when he's trying not to smile in pictures or when he's thinking, his piercing blue eyes, his relentless teasing, or how we can hold a conversation about anything or just sit in silence and be content. He's one of the most intelligent people I know, not only book smart, but also about life. It's not as easy as telling him how I feel, do to circumstances out of my control, and the fact that I would never want to put him in a situation where he would be negatively impacted, or that that would be the only reason that he wouldn't want to pursue something between us. I have the urge to drive to his house right now and tell him how I feel, but I'm terrified of the response. But this weekend is the weekend, that I lay it all out on the table. Drunk or sober, because he needs to know and I can't contain myself anymore, I have to know.